at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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