ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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