they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
