my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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