i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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