He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
