Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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