I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
