my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
