I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Less talking, more tequila
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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