So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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