as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
