Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
