im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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