I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
