Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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