God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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