No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
