as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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