I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
