Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
