Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
