You're my little dorito
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize