i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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