Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
