he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry about my life...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
