Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
