dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
