I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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