I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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