Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
