talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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