I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
