id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
