She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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