Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize