Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
