There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
