Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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