i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
