Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize