I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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