Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
