allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
