I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Never joke about your clitoris.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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