based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
