I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
