im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
