an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
