I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
