coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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