Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
