even my farts smell like vagina
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
