you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
