mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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