You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
