some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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