well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
false alarm. still invincible.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
