i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
operation have a gay friend backfired
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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