I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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