My first STD was from a foam party
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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