I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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