Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize