the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
