The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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