My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
