I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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