I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
