yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
