Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
