are you still at the devil's house?
if you like me you must not know who I am
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize