I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
