I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize